Mine Your Thoughts

I've Moved!

2009-02-01T11:44:00.000-08:00

I've converted my blog to a wordpress platform, and you'll find my blog at www.mineyourresources.com.

Reclaim Your Dreams (Before the Price Goes Up!)

2009-01-27T00:58:00.000-08:00

Just a quick note:

Fellow Contrarian blogger and regular writer for the well-known Zen Habits blog, Jonathan Mead, from Illuminated Mind, is selling his ebook, Reclaim Your Dreams, at the special launch price for only a few more days. As of 31 Jan, the price will be what you'd normally pay for an ebook - 40% more. So if you're keen to get it, get it now quickly before the price goes up! Check it out here.

It's a great little book, with some very inspiring ideas and, as a blogger, he's got a nice, straightforward style of writing. I particularly like the threads of Jonathan's "uncommon wisdom" that run through the book, where he brings in ideas that typically spring from Eastern philosophies, rather than popular Western self-help traditions. While you're there, check out Jonathan's blog and subscribe to his RSS - there's loads of value in there, and you don't have to pay a thing for it, and he's hatching plenty more cool stuff that you'll want to be first to know about.

How to Quit Fighting Yourself & Make the Changes You Want

2009-01-25T09:52:00.000-08:00

Do you feel like you want to change your life, but find that everytime you start making changes, you get in your own way and sabotage your own efforts. Do you feel like you want change and fear change at the same time, so you get stuck and don't move forward at all? Don't worry, you're not crazy or broken - your mind-body system is working exactly as it's meant to. When you understand how it works, instead of trying to use willpower to fight your natural tendencies, you can use your natural tendencies to take you to where you want to be. This is how we work:

We like what’s familiar, because familiarity is easier. Familiarity enables us to process and make meaning of reality much more quickly. Familiarity is also safer - processing the meaning of reality more quickly, means we can respond to reality more quickly, which is sometimes necessary for survival. And we’ve all heard the saying, “better the devil you know than the one you don’t know.” Because we like familiarity, we’re drawn to stick with it and bring more of it into our lives. And have an automatic tendency to resist or avoid anything unfamiliar.

This is great if you love the life you’re familiar with. But if there’s anything you don’t love about your life, changing it is probably going to mean bringing something unfamiliar into your life. Remember that we automatically resist anything unfamiliar... so how can you stop fighting yourself and leverage the way you’re naturally designed, to make the changes you want to make? Well, before you try bringing them into your life, you can get familiar with the new things you want to have, do and be. That way, they’ll be familiar, and you won’t resist them - in fact, you’ll naturally draw them into your life.

How do I get familiar with the new things I want to bring into my life? Whatever you’re focusing on in your mind is what you’re getting familiar with. So if you want to get familiar with something different, start focusing on it in your imagination, before you even start working on bringing it into your reality. That way, by the time you start bringing it into your reality, it’ll feel totally comfortable, like a sense of coming home.

In our busy, information-saturated lives, the ability to control what you focus on is possibly the most powerful skill that you can master. We have stuff going on that distracts us and demands our attention all the time, and it can be really difficult at times to manage or change what we’re focusing on. What you’re focusing on is what you’re getting familiar with - and what you’re going to bring more of into your life. So here are some tips on how you can take back control of your attention and focus your mind on the stuff you want to bring into your life:

Reduce your sources of distraction. Tim Ferris, author of the Best-selling book, “The 4 Hour Work Week,” talks about limiting incoming channels of information. Unsubscribe from the mailing lists and RSS feeds that don’t really add value. Switch off your email alerts and check email only twice a day. Block off time in your diary and close your office door, put your phone on voicemail and let your colleagues know not to interrupt you unless it’s genuinely an emergency. Don’t subscribe to those services that let you get notifications by sms on your mobile, and limit your TV intake or quit TV altogether.

Introduce anchors to remind you what you want to be focusing on. You can create reminders that will help to distract you from focusing on the stuff that tends to automatically pull your attention. Create sms or email alerts that remind you what's important to you. Put up pictures around your workspace of the experiences you want to bring into your life. Subscribe to blogs that are talking about the stuff you want to get familiar with. Write statements of the beliefs you want to be familiar with and place these where you’ll see them regularly.

Hang out with people who are focusing on what you want to focus on. Possibly the most powerful pull on our attention comes from other people. In our attempts to connect with other people, our natural tendency is to focus on the stuff that other people we’re interacting with are focusing on. Also, we tend to find people who already think like us, and hang out with them, and then we reinforce those familiar ways of thinking for each other. If you want to bring new experiences into your life, start hanging out with people who are already familiar with those experiences - because that’s what they’ll be focusing on. Because focus is so contagious, make sure you hang out with people who are focusing on what you want to focus on.

Take time to relax yourself and do some concentrated day-dreaming, focusing on what you want to bring into your life. You already know how to do this, except most of us are day-dreaming about stuff that could go wrong, imagining the disasterous ends in great detail, and getting ourselves familiar with alot of experiences that we don’t want. Take back control of your attention and focus on imagining having the experiences you want already, and how your life will be different as a result. Imagine how you’ll feel. Dream up all the multi-sensory detail. The more detailed you are in your day-dreaming, the more familiar you’ll be with the changes you’re dreaming about - and the more smoothly you’ll start bringing them into your life.

Focus Series: How to Get What You Want By Imagining You Already Have It

2009-01-18T12:17:00.000-08:00

Last week, I explained how the Manifestation System works to create the results that you’re currently getting. The core first step in any change is to take responsibility, by believing that you create your results. Understanding the manifestation system, leads you to a few other core principles of change that you’ll be able to apply, to get the changes you want:

Experience is not reality.
For me, the most important principle that the manifestation strategy shows us is that OUR EXPERIENCE IS NOT OUR REALITY. This photograph of me and my sister, Sue, on a rollercoaster ride a few years ago does a great job of illustrating this principle.

We’re both interacting with exactly the same reality, but we’re having a VERY different experience - and this is obvious in our facial expressions. She has a huge smile and I have my eyes closed and a terrified grimace. In order for us to respond to reality, we interpret our sensory experiences (what we’re seeing, hearing, touching, smelling) and we tell ourselves a story about what those sensory experiences mean. It’s our INTERPRETATION of reality (the second step in the manifestation strategy) that creates our experience of reality. Clearly Sue told herself a much happier story about the rollercoaster ride than I did!

You’ll find that you’re much more able to set your Manifestation Strategy onto Active Mode, challenge your limiting stories and choose more useful stories that support you getting the outcomes you want, if you recognise that often your stories aren’t an accurate interpretation of reality.

Interpreting reality in a different way changes your experience of it.
Because we usually assume that our experience IS reality, we normally focus our energies on trying to change reality. But reality is complex and often we don’t have much control over it (especially when we’re trying to change it from an inaccurate perspective of reality!), so the ability to change the meaning we give reality is often more useful, and more achievable, than attempting to change reality itself. An important paradox in all of this is that the person who has the greatest ability to change the meaning they give reality (and as a result has more flexibility in how they respond emotionally and behaviourally) will have the greatest influence and impact on reality. Makes sense, doesn’t it? As they say, “If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten.” You’re much more likely to change your reality if you’re willing to try something different.
So how can you use these principles to change your life?

Think of a situation in your life that you’re finding difficult.
Write down what results you want in that situation.
Print out a copy of the Manifestation System, to use as a worksheet. Write the difficult situation next to the heading, “filtered reality.”
Now ask yourself, “What are the stories I’m telling myself about that situation?” Write these down next to the heading, “story about the meaning of reality.” Then ask yourself, “What would I have to be believing, in order to believe these stories?” Write those down too.
Next, ask yourself, “How do I feel when I think those thoughts or believe those stories?” Write your emotions down next to the heading, “Emotional Reaction.”
Then ask yourself, “How do I behave then, when I’m feeling that way?” Write this down next to the heading, “Behavioural Response.”
Now consider what results are caused by your behaviour. How does it impact on relationships? How do other people react to you then? What other external results do you get? Write these down next to the heading, “Results.”
Have a look at the manifestation system and notice how you’re creating a cycle, in which the results you don’t want are growing.
Go back to the page where you wrote what you want instead. Print out another copy of the manifestation system, and write these results at the top of the system, next to the heading, “Filtered Reality.”
Now ask yourself, “If I already had those results, what story would I tell myself?” “And, What would I have to be believing, in order to believe these stories?” Write that all down next to the heading, “Story about the meaning of reality.”
Then ask yourself, “How would I feel, if I believed those stories?” Write that down next to the heading, “Emotional Reaction.”
And then, “How would I behave, if I felt that way?” Write that down next to the heading, “Behavioural Reaction.”
Finally, ask yourself what results that’s likely to get you... In all likelihood, these results will get you much closer to where you want to be. Now go out and start practicing thinking, feeling and behaving that way, and notice how much more effectively this brings you the results you want.

This is the basic principle behind the idea that Law of Attraction fans preach - that if you start living as if you already have it, you’ll attract the things you want into your life. I’ve said before that I don’t really buy into the whole Law of Attraction theory. For me, rather than believing that my thoughts literally attract things, this is one way that I can see how the “living as if” philosophy could be incredibly powerful in creating the results you want. Besides, “living as if” feels much better - and, at the end of the day, it’s not the material stuff or achievements that we want. It’s the good feelings right now that we all want. And you can have those anytime you want.

Focus Series: How to Use Your Manifestation System to Get the Life You Want

2009-01-12T04:33:00.000-08:00

You already know how to create the results you want. You’re creating results all the time. You have a powerful manifestation system that’s creating the life you currently have, and that system works perfectly well... to create the life you currently have. You’re extremely powerful. Every thought you have sets off a chain of reactions, starting within you, and extending out into the physical world through your behaviour, impacting on relationships and circumstances around you, to create the results you currently have. If you aren’t entirely thrilled with the results you’re getting, here’s how you use your powerful manifestation system to change your results.

How we create our results: The MANIFESTATION SYSTEM:
Alot of people are familiar with "the Law of Attraction" and the idea that our thoughts create our reality, but there's a wide variety of opinions about HOW this happens. If you feel like the Law of Attraction is over-simplified, pseudo-scientific bumpf, sugar-coated and wrapped in American kitch, then I invite you to consider this alternative model, which is based on the theories of Daniel Goleman. In our daily lives, we have a constant stream of information (reality) coming at us. We can’t pay attention to all of it all of the time (at least not consciously) - it’s just too much. So we filter reality and we only pay conscious attention to some of it, and ignore the rest. We then tell ourselves a story about what reality means, in order to understand it, and so that we can start creating an appropriate response. The story we tell ourselves about reality causes a physiological and emotional reaction inside of us, which then informs our behavioural response. Of course, our behavioural response is what creates our results, and our results provide the fodder for our future reality... and the cycle continues. This is how you created your current results.

There are two ways that we can run our manifestation system: Default Mode or Active Mode.

1. Default Mode: Your mind can’t NOT process and respond. It’s running the manifestation system all the time. The manifestation system is most efficient - and therefore most powerful, when running on Default Mode, and most of our results are created through the Default Mode Manifestation Strategy. We’d be terribly slow mentally and physically, if this wasn’t the case - which would be very dangerous, from a survival point of view. The Default Mode is more efficient because we’re not stopping to consider our options and the implications of those options when we’re filtering and making meaning of reality. While this allows us to respond more quickly, it also increases the risk that we’ll get some “bugs” and inaccuracies in the information we put into the manifestation system, and that could prevent us from getting the results we want. If you’re not feeling powerful, and you’re not getting the results you want, and you feel like your life is running you, then you’re running your manifestation system on Default Mode and have some bugs in the system. In order to de-bug and re-program your manifestation system so that you bring different results into your life, you need to switch your manifestation system from Default to Active Mode.

2. Active Mode: When you’re running the manifestation system on Active Mode, you stop and decide what outcome you want, so that you give your mind clear, consistent instructions to pay attention to the parts of reality that will support you getting the results you want, rather than having your attention grabbed by the familiar and scary parts of reality. When you’re running on Active Mode, you’re aware of the stories you’re using to give meaning to reality, and choosing stories that support you to create the feelings and behaviour that will get you the results that you ultimately want.

The manifestation system ALWAYS works, but your results depend on the parts of reality you pay attention to and the stories you tell yourself about reality. If you’re not entirely happy with the life you’ve created for yourself thus far, here’s how you can use the manifestation system to change your results:

Ask yourself, “What results do I want?”
Ask yourself, “What results am I currently getting?” Go to the Manifestation System flow-chart and write those results next to “Filtered reality”, at the top of the flow-chart.
Now ask yourself, “How to I feel about those results?” And write those feelings next to “Physiological and emotional reaction” on the flow-chart.
Now ask yourself, “What stories am I telling myself (about my results), that cause me to feel that way?” Write those stories next to “Story about the meaning of reality” on the flow-chart.
Next, ask yourself, “How do I behave when I feel that way?” Write that down next to “Behavioural response” on the flow-chart.
Finally, ask yourself, “When I behave that way, what results do I get? How do other people respond to me? How does that affect our relationship, and the potential future results in this relationship?” Write these answers next to “Results” on the flow-chart.

At this point, you’ll probably notice a strong correlation between your last answer that you wrote next to “Results” and your first answer, which you wrote next to “Filtered reality,” Your reaction to your results is keeping you in a cycle, where you’re re-creating the results you don’t want. Changing your results is all about noticing how you’re thinking: changing what you’re focusing on and what meaning you’re making of that.

Now that you’ve switched your manifestation system to Active Mode, you can change what you’re focusing on, by asking yourself, “Are there any results that I want, that I’m already getting, which I hadn’t noticed until now?” Then ask yourself, “What would I need to tell myself about my current results, to generate the feelings and behaviour that would support me getting more of the results I want?” Then, to start to become familiar with your new stories, ask yourself, “What evidence am I already noticing that tells me that these stories are true?” Look for at least 3 pieces of evidence. Then post your new stories somewhere where you’ll see them and be reminded of them. Some people like to get into a habit of reading their new stories at the beginning and end of each day. Finally, come up with 3 behaviours that somebody believing your new stories would be likely to use, and commit to practicing those 3 behaviours over the next few weeks.

Once you’ve “de-bugged” and “re-programmed” your manifestation system, you’ll probably find that you need to run the manifestation system on Active Mode, stopping to consciously choose useful stories, to make that way of thinking familiar. Once it’s familiar, your new stories will become your Default Mode, and you’ll not only get the results you want, but you’ll get them more efficiently.

Your Unique Voice... Hallelujah!

2009-01-01T07:53:00.000-08:00

Michael and I had had 6 sessions together and he was still stuck. Michael was the typical Renaissance Professional - talented at a multitude of different skills, deeply curious about a variety of different fields, a quick learner, and exploding with ideas of new ventures to pursue. Loads of great ideas, quick learner, multi-talented... surely it’s the perfect formula for success? So why was Michael still stuck?

Michael was suffering from a bad case of RESISTANCE. Resistance is the silent killer, stealing more dreams and leading to more un-lived lives every year than heart disease and cancer put together, and made so much more powerful by the fact that so few people know how to recognize it. Resistance comes in many strains, but here are a few of the common symptoms that’ll let you know may have it:

low energy, fatigue and increased desire to sleep during the day
restlessness, boredom and fidgeting
an increased fascination with detail and a strong desire to clean, organize, and alphabetize everything in your workspace
a major drop in productivity
poor concentration, easily distracted
a sudden breadth and depth of imagination for catastrophe
a mild to major paranoia about what other people think and a sense that the world may be conspiring against you
increased sensitivity to the personality and behavioural flaws of those closest to you
a flush of creativity and skill in the art of criticism and “soap box” oration on topics of a purely philosophical and irrelevant or non-practical nature
increased desire for activities that provide immediate self-gratification: alcohol, shopping, TV, masturbation, and food containing fat, sugar, salt or chocolate
increased participation in gossip and a penchant for drawing attention to yourself, getting yourself into trouble and creating life drama

In severe cases:

the development of full-blown ADD
clinical depression
panic attacks
the breakdown of significant relationships
the development or recurrence of addictions to illegal, mood-inducing substances
engagement in verbal aggression, violence, crime or self-destruction

But don’t worry if you got top scores on this test - just like heart disease and cancer, resistance is a disease of lifestyle, and entirely preventable and, in many cases it’s curable too. The key is to know what lifestyle habits put you at risk and to make better lifestyle choices. Here are some of the high risk lifestyle habits that Resistance Expert, Steven Pressfield, says could cause you to join the millions who suffer the agony of resistance:

the pursuit of creative activities such as writing and art-making
the launching of entrepreneurial ventures
dieting and following health regimes
participating in any program of spiritual advancement or personal development
any activity whose aim is tighter abdominals
any course designed to overcome an unwholesome habit or addiction
education of every kind
any act of political, moral, or ethical courage
the undertaking of any endeavor to help others
any act that entails a commitment of the heart (like a decision to get married, have a child, weather a rocky patch in a relationship)
the taking of any principled stand in the face of adversity

Oh, dear... if you’re anything like me, Michael or the people I typically work with, you’re probably off-the-scale high risk. And the worst part is, you’re about as likely to change your lifestyle choices as Homer Simpson is to quit beer and do-nuts. Because you’re wired for doing the very things that elicit resistance. Even if you wanted to fall back on the mold, and live a conventional life, you wouldn’t know how. You’re just not good at that. You feel compelled to question and to push the boundaries, to take up challenges and to create. It’s like you don’t have a choice. So if we can’t prevent it, we’ll beat it some other way. So let’s take heart in Pressfield’s encouragement: “Overcoming resistance is like giving birth. It seems absolutely impossible until you remember that women have been pulling it off successfully, with support and without, for fifty million years.”

So here’s what Michael and I did, after diagnosing a chronic case of resistance. Resistance is a dis-ease that’s triggered by the body. The body reacts to any major change by creating resistance, because, from a survival point of view, major change (in body temperature or blood pressure, for example) could be fatal to the body. But the actual embryos of resistance manifest in the mind - and we can find them and pluck them out one at a time, to ease our path forward.

At the core of Michael’s resistance was the thought that he needed to come up with something truly unique and original, for it to be a worthy pursuit that the world would welcome and people would be willing to throw their money at. The problem was that, for every idea he came up with, he found that there was already somebody else doing “his idea” or something similar to it. And then he’d tell himself that his idea is already being done, the market is probably already taken, and the world doesn’t need another one of those. Of course, you’ve probably already started to notice a couple of holes in that argument - the gaps in the rationalization behind our resistance are always easier for other people to spot!

By identifying the core rationalization behind his resistance, Michael was able to turn his finely tuned skills of criticism on his own thoughts, and soon enough was able to see them for the lies they were, opening his eyes to the paradigm shift that made all the difference. Michael realized that the fact that somebody else was doing “his idea” was a useful indication that there IS a market for that service, and he came to appreciate that there are, in fact, very few truly original ideas behind the successful ventures being launched all over the world each day. Instead, successful people recognize that creativity is often more about bringing already existing ideas together in a new way, with a new voice - and there’s alot of room for that.

This Christmas season reminded me of Michael and the particular brand of resistance that he had struggled with. I'm sure you've all become familiar with the two versions of the "Hallelujah" song that made the top 2 chart spots, and being played everywhere this Christmas. The same song, sung by two different people, made it to number one and number two on the charts. And it wasn't their original idea - Leonard Cohen wrote it 20yrs ago. For me this is clear evidence that you don’t have to have an entirely new idea to be successful with your venture, and that there’s enough room for us all to be appreciated for our unique “voice.” So how will you be expressing your unique voice and what high risk lifestyle plans have you got lined up for this year?

‘Cos you know what’s great about resistance? Resistance is the clearest indication that you’re growing. So when you feel the symptoms of resistance coming on, just pause and smile to yourself, knowing that it’s a sign that you’re already making progress.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

2008-12-25T04:59:00.001-08:00

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Make 2009 your Best Year Yet!

2008-12-20T03:21:00.000-08:00

I'm hatching plans to broaden my offerings in 2009, and I want to make sure I put out programs and inspiration that will support you to overcome the challenges you've been dealing with, and make the sort of difference that counts to you. Click here to take 3 minutes to complete this confidential survey and let me know what's important to you.

SA Doctor Inoculates Herself from Stress

2008-12-20T02:49:00.000-08:00

I have the best job in the world. I get to meet amazing people who share their life stories and a wide variety of fascinating current challenges with me, and I get to walk alongside them for a short while - thinking and learning with them, together cracking open new ways of thinking and being and, best of all, celebrating the results of their personal and professional evolutions and revolutions. Since other people’s heroic stories have so enriched my life and my faith in what’s possible for us all, I figure these stories should be shared.

Like most of the people I work with, Aina Ayodele considers her work to be a central part of her life purpose and it’s always been important to her that her work is both successful and significant. As a medical doctor responsible for running a primary health clinic in one of the most under-resourced areas in Cape Town - an area rife with social and health problems (TIK abuse, HIV/AIDS, TB, violence, just to name a few), Aina has a strong sense of the significance of her work. But in an under-resourced and over-burdened system, in an impoverished and trauma-ridden community, “success” often feels impossible.

The hero’s saga is a standard theme in any popular book or movie, and there’s a reason for that... the hero’s saga is universal. We all identify with the story of having a big dream, setting out into the world confident in our dream, having prepared for all sorts of obstacles and challenges, and getting smacked to the ground by some proverbial dragon just as we step out the door. Unfortunately, that’s where so many real life stories end, and the reason why so many people shelve their dreams and settle for mediocrity. It’s also the reason why we’re all so inspired by stories of people who got up again... and again, and again, and eventually achieved their big dream. Aina’s story is a real life hero’s saga of someone who got smacked down and got up again.

The Ravensmead Community Health Clinic had been running without a Principal Medical Officer for over 5 years when Aina was appointed in April 2008. During that time, the clinic had atrophied from 24 to only 15 members of staff, who were functioning haphazardly with no systems in place. There was no triage system for identifying emergency cases and responding to critical priority patients first, there were no systems to facilitate continuity of care, and patients were sent to and fro between health professionals without effective record-keeping, resulting in duplication, wasting of resources and high rates of misdiagnosis, morbidity and mortality. In spite of the very high levels of HIV in the area, there were no daily HIV counseling and testing services at the clinic and they frequently turned away 75 or more patients a day, because they didn’t have the capacity to help them.

Having worked as a doctor in SA for 11 years, Aina was no stranger to the challenges of the SA health system, and she knew that the significance of their work depended on the success of their work. They could only make a significant difference if they began to work more effectively. Aina’s vision was big and she pushed herself out the door by letting her imagination loose on her dream and creating a really clear picture of her promised land: “an adequate, effective, and comprehensive health care service that is sensitive to the community’s needs and promotes service excellence that reflects the meaning of my name.” Ayodele means “joy arrives home” and Ayodele wanted her patients to feel as comfortable as if they were in their own home, and joyful, as a result of the excellent service and improved health they experience through the Ravensmead clinic service.

The most useful model for understanding and overcoming stress that I’ve come across is based on the idea that stress happens when the perceived threats are greater than the perceived resources and the perceived rewards. When we take up a challenge, no matter how great the perceived threats are, so long as we think our resources for dealing with those threats are greater, and perceive that the ultimate rewards of overcoming those threats are greater, we’re immunized against stress. This is because when the scales are stacked this way, the stories we tell ourselves go something like this: “This is hard, but it’s all going to work out in the end,” and we continue to let our imagination play with the potential positive future scenarios.

As soon as the scales tip and we think that the threats are greater than our resources, we start to tell ourselves a story along the lines of, “things aren’t going to turn out well” and our imagination runs riot, producing multiple worst-case scenarios, and before we know it, we’re having difficulty sleeping or eating, we’re feeling ratty and snapping at people, we’re making silly mistakes, losing or gaining weight, feeling tearful, and developing aches, pains and illnesses. The wort part is that stress creates a negative self-reinforcing cycle: when our stress response is triggered, our neurology changes so that we use more blinkered vision and thinking and we focus more on threats. This is useful for our survival: if you’re being chased by a lion, it’s better to focus on just the lion, and not be distracted by the beautiful sunset on the horizon. But what we focus on grows, and when we focus more on the threats, we start to delete the resources and rewards from our awareness. And this creates further stress, because our perception of the threats becomes even greater than our perception of our resources and rewards. To top it all off, stress often gets us stuck in the problem, because it’s much harder to think creatively and generate possible solutions when we’re using blinkered thinking and focusing on the threats instead of the resources.

And this is what happened to Aina. In spite of all her careful thought and hard work, the obstacles seemed to grow, and resistance from already burned-out staff was high, until a huge challenge that Aina had never anticipated knocked her to the ground. During a national spate of violent xenophobic attacks, Aina, who was born in Nigeria but is now a South African citizen, was threatened and intimidated by some of her staff and community. Aina and I started working together shortly after this traumatic incident, when she was suffering typical symptoms of stress, burnout and depression. Usually cheerful, friendly and outgoing, she had become socially withdrawn, tearful and unable to eat or sleep. She was ready to give up her faith in her vision for success and significance and was considering resigning and retiring from medicine altogether... because the perceived threats seemed so much greater than her perceived resources and the perceived rewards.

Over a series of 6 weeks, Aina processed the trauma of the event, dissolved many of her fears, restored her faith in her vision, got her health and vitality back, and put her whole self back into making her vision a reality at the Ravensmead clinic. How did she do it? It all comes down to one key word in the model of stress: PERCEPTION. Stress happens when the PERCEIVED obstacles/ threats are greater than the PERCEIVED resources and rewards. While our circumstances provide the triggers for stress, it’s our PERCEPTION and the stories we tell ourselves about those circumstances that create stress feelings and symptoms. While we can’t control everything in our circumstances (in fact trying to control everything in our circumstances is a recipe for stress!), we can always change our perception and the story we’re telling ourselves.

As a result of her new-found ability to inoculate her mind against stress, some of the successes Aina and her team have already notched up include:

The establishment of an effective triage system where emergencies are prioritised
Aligning the clinic services with provincial priorities (HIV/AIDS, TB, STDs)
Increased human resources and improved equipment
The appointment of a school nurse to address TIK concerns in the community
Involvement of the clinic staff in a training program at the clinic
Health education programs for patients with chronic illnesses
An increase in TB detection
A significant decrease in morbidity and mortality.

In November this year, Aina and her team ran the clinic’s first ever community education and outreach program, with great success. The theme was “Taking Charge of Hypertension - a Disease of Lifestyle” and made such an impact that people are still talking about it. Aina and her team are receiving much-deserved letters of congratulations and acknowledgment from senior officials in the Health Department. But even more important to Aina are the letters and words of gratitude she’s been receiving from community members, thanking them for the changes they’ve made in the past 5 months and pleading Aina to never leave the community clinic. In spite of all the odds, Aina is living up to her name and creating a place of “joy arriving home” for the community they serve.

Aina’s words of wisdom for us all? Aina says that the people in your life and your faith are vital sources of support in overcoming major obstacles - “whatever I am today, I owe to God and my parents, as well as the support of my friend, Louise Appolis.” She adds: “Be positive, stay strong. The road to success isn’t smooth, but if you endure, you’ll overcome. Tough challenges are there to make us stronger.” And as someone who’s name (Aina) means “child born with an umbilical cord around her neck”, it seems another part of her life purpose is revealed - to overcome major obstacles and constraints, and to inspire others to do them same. Aina, you’re an inspiration!

Had a tough year? Drop us a comment about your hero's saga and let us know how you got back up again...

Mine Your Resources Goes Nomadic in 2009

2008-11-30T08:48:00.001-08:00

So you might have been wondering why I’ve been a bit quiet lately... for those of you who are familiar with Martha Beck’s model of the change cycle, I’ve been in what’s known as the “meltdown” phase, retreating into my cocoon to re-evaluate what’s really important and to let the old (although lovable) caterpillar of my life meltdown, so that the new, more liberated version can begin to form. Since confusion, anxiety, tiredness, mild depression and even periods of mental paralysis are the primary states of mind during the meltdown phase, I followed my own advice and spread myself a little less thin over the past few months. Having spent a few months carrying out some mental spring-cleaning, finding some key beliefs that are no longer useful for me, and gradually dissolving them one at a time, I’ve created the space and clarity for a new vision to form... so here it is:

Modern Nomads:
My husband, Andy, and I have both always loved travel and spent many mornings in bed, building sand-castles in the sky and hatching plans for the many different places we’ll travel to and through. For some time we’ve talked about the idea of traveling the world doing the work we love to do, but so far we’ve only done part of it - either the traveling part or the work we love part, never both. Our new, liberated butterfly lifestyle: to be modern nomads, traveling the world AND doing the work we both love. We’ve already taken the leap and committed to our new vision. Last month Andy left for London, where he’s setting up fort for us. And I’ve stayed to tie up some of my corporate coaching contracts and pack up our lives in Cape Town. I leave for London on 9 December, where we’ll be based and working from, until June 2009, when we’ll hop on 2 motorcycles and tour Europe for a few months. After that we’ll look to continue moving around, being based somewhere for 6 to 9 months, and traveling extensively in between, before moving onto the next “base camp.”

Why?
Great question! And a really important question to ask many, many times during the meltdown and re-formation phases, so that you can question and dissolve your fears and ensure that you’re aligning yourself with your true desires and values, rather than just following a plan that looks good on paper or fits the societal mold. So here’s why we’re doing it:

We both love travel - especially the traveling part. For some people, travel means going to an exotic place and staying there for a few weeks, then returning home. The traveling we like to do involves touring countries, devoting much of our time to the actual journeying. We like to choose the quiet, little, winding roads, and take the long way getting there.
We both love change. Andy’s a revolutionary - he enjoys major change every 6 months or so. I’m an evolutionary - I like major change every 2 to 3 years, with gradual change on a daily basis in between. We really love the stimulation of starting new projects, meeting new people, or experiencing new places, and we get a little edgy if we don’t get a regular fix of it.
We both see work as an expression of ourselves, and it’s a priority to both of us that we’re doing the work we love. Before, when we couldn’t see how we could do the work we love and travel at the same time, doing the work we love was our higher value and we sacrificed our travel desires. Now we’re going for both.
We’re both really excited about taking the opportunity to further develop our skills and knowledge in our respective fields by being involved in training, conversation and collaborative partnerships with experts all over the world who we’ve been following over recent years.
It’s no longer that difficult to do the work you love whilst living a nomadic life. Outsourcing and working with people on other continents is now pretty common practice because we have the technology to facilitate this.

So what about my coaching?
It seems that the belief “you can’t do the work you love and travel the world” is a very common one, because alot of the time when I tell people I’m heading off for London in December, they say, “Oh, what a shame... your business has been doing so well here.” So then I explain how I’m not closing my business, and I’m not moving it to London either - I’m making it LOCATION INDEPENDENT. Since one person responded by asking, “Is that like a politically correct term for being homeless - like being location-challenged?” let me explain: basically what it means is that I want to be able to do the work I love doing from anywhere in the world, without the geographic location of me or my clients limiting us in any way. Since I love travel, I want to be able to move around without starting all over again, and I want my clients to be free to do them same, and to continue to be able to offer them value wherever they are in the world.

So here’s a taste of some of what you can look forward to from Mine Your Resources in 2009:

a re-vamped, new-look, easy-to-use weblog (at www.myr.co.za) with much more regular postings
group teleclasses
the first of a series of multi-media coaching programs, which I’ll be completing for release in the new year.
a book club where I’ll review and recommend some of the most useful personal development literature
look out for podcasts and short videos I’ll be posting on YouTube
a variety of personal development products from some of the world’s leading coaching, leadership and personal development experts, which I’ll be recommending and making available for purchase online.
One-to-one coaching is still available by telephone or Skype (find me at Skype: mineyourresources). I will be keeping my South African rates for my South African clients for now.

The next year will be a very busy and exciting one for us, and I hope to be able to share our experiences and learnings with you along the way. Please keep me updated about your adventures next year too, and warn your London/ European family and friends that I'm heading over! You can connect with me on any of these platforms:

Twitter
Facebook
Xing
Huddlemind
LinkedIn
ecademy
Business Network Online

Inspire Your Team at Year-End

2008-10-12T07:00:00.000-07:00

Following their really inspiring workshops earlier this year, Ben and Ros Zander will both be back in Cape Town in December. They'll be running their fantastic "Art of Possibility" workshop in Cape Town on 1 Dec and Joburg on 3 Dec. Those of you who are wondering what to do for your company year-end function: take your team to the Zanders' Art of Possibility Workshop, followed by lunch, and they'll all be motivated to end the year with a bang and dive into 2009 with inspired, out-of-the box thinking. I attended in August, and it was fantastic.

To book for your team, go here.
For more about the Zanders, go here and here.

Get real! What do you REALLY Want?

2008-10-08T13:15:00.000-07:00

If you haven't got what you want, it's probably because you haven't decided specifically what you want. When we feel stuck we're often very clear on what we DON'T WANT, but when I ask my clients, "so what do you want instead?" they often look at me as though I just asked them when last they cleaned their toenails. Then they spew out a few vague ideas and hope I'll drop the line of questions. But I stay with it, because I know that probably the most important driver of change is having a clear, detailed outcome.

Seth Godin's blog this week addresses the importance of being really specific, and creating a really clear, detailed outcome picture - for the purpose of marketing, leadership and getting people to buy into your version of the future. The same principle applies for personal change - "if you want yourself to embrace your version of the future, talk about it like it's right around the corner, not on another planet."

Because we like what's familiar. In fact we like it so much, we gravitate towards it and we seek to repeat it - even if it wasn't ideal. One way that you can get familiar with the version of the future that you really want is by articulating a detailed picture of that future - the more detailed and specific you are, the more familiar and close that future will seem, and the more effortlessly you'll get there.

Free Online Life Coaching Course

2008-09-30T11:29:00.000-07:00

I got a lot out of Eckhart Tolle's book, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment - especially how it relates to the way we "create" pain and stress as a result of stories we tell ourselves - re-playing painful past memories and visualising future fears and worries. When we come into "the now", and focus purely on "what is", right in this moment, and ask ourselves if we have any problem, the answer is most often no - there is no problem right now.

I found this free online course - looks like a great line-up of lecturers, including Bill Harris, Ken Wilbur and Byron Katie, amongst others. I've signed up - join me!

Hassle-free Life Coaching

2008-09-09T02:49:00.000-07:00

There are many myths about life coaching - no doubt a result of the rapid growth and lack of regulation in the industry worldwide. While I can't speak for other life coaches, I like to help people understand what I do, and how I do it. I've noticed that people often think that Life Coaching is about helping people set goals, and create a plan to get their goals, and then holding them accountable to their weekly action plan, with the emphasis of the ongoing relationship being on "accountability conversations", which go something like:

Coach: "Did you do your agreed tasks for this week?"
Coachee: "Well... sort of... I mean I started to do it, but we had a crisis I had to sort out instead."
Coach: "Remember that success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration! You've gotta be committed! Winners never quit and quitters never win! (or some other proverbs and quotes aimed to inspire motivation, delivered with zest and enthusiasm, and sealed with a growl and a high five)

I'm just not into that. I don't like the idea of striving towards goals. I get that sometimes having someone to have regular conversations with, about your goals, can be a very useful way to keep yourself focused on the action you've committed yourself to, as part of your goal plan. And if that's all you need, then here's a fantastic way to hassle yourself into remembering your commitments (let me know when they start nagyourhusband.co.uk!) My experience is that the reasons we lose momentum and motivation, and don't follow through on our action plans have less to do with poor memory, and more to do with inner conflicts about what's important to us (and why it's important to us), and limiting beliefs about what's possible for us and what we deserve - and that's where I love to help people do their change work!

If you're not being successful in being the person you want to be, it's probably because of one of two reasons:
1.) You haven't really decided what/ who you REALLY want to be. Perhaps you've spent alot of time paying attention to what other people want from you, and adapting accordingly, and find that, in the absence of other people's demands, you feel a bit lost and aren't sure what to do. So you stay stuck in reactive mode, doing only what's demanded of you and never getting to the more proactive tasks. Perhaps you have a strong sense of what you should do (with lots of rational explanations why that's a great idea), but the things you think you should do don't thrill you, and you're a bit anxious about finding out what would genuinely thrill you.
2.) You're in your own way. Maybe you know what you want, but you're terrified of making it happen (or trying to make it happen and failing). The fear is just too big, and the obstacles you'll have to overcome seem greater than the rewards of having what you want. Every step you try to take is paralysed by fear. Or deep-down, you think you can't do it, or that you don't deserve to have the life you really want.

All of the self-coaching tools I share are designed to help you with these two things: getting clear on what you want, and getting out of your own way. And my ultimate interest is in teaching you how to coach yourself, and how to thrive towards your goals - and that means getting there without inner turmoil, self-flagellation, guilt and frustration.

Einstein's Answer to Life's Questions

2008-08-31T04:33:00.000-07:00

We're all looking for answers to life's big questions... and of course life's little questions too. And so often, in our search for the answers, we tend to be very attached to the idea that there are a list of "right" answers, which can be applied in every situation - what to do to become successful, how to talk to your teenager, what to do to resolve a conflict, how leaders should behave, 7 steps to being happy, and much, much more. Wouldn't it be great if it really was that simple, if all we had to do is just learn a list of rules and apply the rules to every situation, to become happy and successful?! Wouldn't it be great if we only had to develop a marketing plan once, and we could then just roll it out from there, never having to come back and review our marketing strategy? Wouldn't it be fantastic if we could take a course or read a book on relationships and know that the answers we've read are the answers for all time?

Well, as much as we might delude ourselves with the idea that we can learn all the answers, if we just find the right book or course, life is too diverse, people and relationships are too unique, and the world is changing at too rapid a pace, for this to ever be a realistic expectation. I suspect that Einstein's views on "life's answers" are more realistic - and incredibly useful too.

Apparently one of Einstein's student assistants asked him, "Professor Einstein, what test are we giving the students this week?" Einstein replied, "The same test we gave them last week." Bewildered, the student assistant replied, "But Professor Einstein, we already gave them that test." Einstein patiently answered, "Yes, but the answers are different this week."

Einstein clearly understood the importance of life-long learning. People who understand life-long learning are more successful, because they keep reading, listening, watching, questioning and learning, and they keep evolving. They tend to also experience less conflict and more intimacy in their relationships - because they recognise that multiple perspectives exist, are more comfortable with uncertainty, and are less attached to their opinions being "THE RIGHT ANSWER."

Einstein is often considered the epitome of intelligence, for the contribution that his thinking made to the world of science - a world that's all about knowledge, certainty and predictability. The word "science" comes from the Latin scientia, meaning "knowledge" or "to know", and is described by Wikipedia as the effort to discover, and increase human understanding of how the physical world works. All scientific research is underpinned by the belief that there are rules and laws that govern our behaviour and the behaviour of our environment, and is an effort to discover and articulate these rules. This anecdote reveals an element of Einstein's success strategy - the contradiction of being able to pursue greater knowledge and understanding, whilst maintaining a loose attachment to certainty. Having a loose attachment to certainty is what opens the way to further discovery, creativity and evolution - what Rosamund and Ben Zander (co-authors of "The Art of Possibility") refer to as "living in possibility." Perhaps more importantly, since our beliefs play such a significant role in creating our emotions, having a loose attachment to certainty, and being able to change your beliefs, opens the way to emotional freedom.

So how can you practice living with a loose attachment to certainty, and experience greater creativity and emotional freedom?
1. If you're feeling bad, notice what your beliefs are about the situation you're feeling bad about. Write these down. For each belief, ask "Why?" a few times, to identify the underlying beliefs you're holding.
2. If you're feeling stuck and unsure how to solve a problem, notice what your beliefs are about the situation, and the possible solutions you've already generated. Write these down, and ask "Why?" to get your underlying beliefs.
3. Choose the belief that you feel is most getting in the way of you feeling the way you want to feel or solving the problem.
4. Question the belief, by asking, "Is it true?" Find examples of situations where your belief might be untrue. Find examples of other people who don't believe that particular belief, and get some of the results you're wanting in life. Ask yourself, "How would I know if this belief wasn't true?" Ask yourself, "Would I want someone else I love dearly to hold this belief?"
5. Notice: who would you be without this belief? How would you feel without this belief? How would you go about solving this problem if you didn't have this belief?
6. Brainstorm some other potential beliefs that you could hold instead. Start with stating the exact opposite to your current belief, then add any further ideas of ways you could adapt your previous belief, so that it's more useful. Finally, add examples of beliefs you think other people hold.
7. Evaluate each possible belief, and notice which of the new beliefs could be as true, or more true, than the previous belief you were holding. Choose to practice the new belief (or beliefs) that are both true and useful.
8. Keep reading, observing, and listening widely - this will give you exposure to evidence with which to keep evolving your thoughts and beliefs, so that they remain useful and support you to solve problems and experience emotional freedom.

What do you do, read, or listen to, to support your life-long learning, personally, and in your professional life?

Pull out of the Rat-Race

2008-08-10T01:59:00.000-07:00

Anybody linked to me on Facebook will know that I’m about as active and engaged in the Facebook world as a teenager on holiday with their family. I have filtered my emails so I no longer get notifications of everyone’s “Status updates” and invitations to do a “who’s my hottest friend” quiz or buy someone a picture of a drink. But a few weeks ago, in a rare moment of tiredness, boredom and restlessness following a few months of overwork, I logged-in to Facebook, and found a very surprising and serendipitous gift waiting for me. This picture of my sister, Sue (in the pink spotty swimsuit) and me (in the red number), was posted by my uncle, Rob, who lives in Australia. It took me straight back to childhood days of being healthy, tanned, dirty, active, happy and carefree, from playing all day. It wasn’t uncommon for us to spend a whole day playing in the pool, and to reluctantly swap the pool for the bath at the end of the day, and laugh until our tummies ached, about our white, wrinkled, water-soaked “granny skin”.

This photo reminded me of some of the stuff I’ve squeezed out of my life, in my efforts to complete all the “I SHOULD...” tasks that we, as adults, tell ourselves we HAVE TO DO in order to be happy and successful. And I realised that it’s been a long time since I stayed in a pool so long that I got granny skin, or laughed until my tummy ached in a moment when there was no actual joke. In fact, I realised that there are alot of things I no longer do, that I used to love doing as a child.

Martha Beck, in her book, “The 4 Day Win”, refers to research on addiction, which highlights a strong correlation between addictive behaviour and a lack-lustre, trapped life. She refers to a study by Bruce Alexander, a psychologist, who researched morphine-addiction behaviour in lab rats. One group of lab rats was placed in a bare cage, and another group was placed in a “rat park” - a large enclosure that had lots of fun burrows and holes, funky smells, and all sorts of other things that rats love. Both groups of rats were able to choose between two water dispensers: the one had plain water in it, and the other had morphine-laced water in it. The caged rats chose the morphine water immediately and quickly got addicted. The rat park rats chose the plain water. Rats have a sweet tooth, so Alexander added sugar to the morphine-laced water, to try to coax the rat-park rats to drink it and they still avoided it. It was only when he added Naxolene, which eliminates the intoxicating effects of morphine, that the rat-park rats drank the morphine-laced water. The rat-park rats didn’t like getting high. When Alexander took the morphine-addicted cage-rats and placed them in the rat park, they reduced their consumption of the morphine-laced water, even though they experienced withdrawal symptoms.

It doesn’t take a psychologist or an experiment with lab rats to work out that we’re a whole lot more likely to use mind-numbing drugs, self-sabotage or self-destructive behaviour when we’re living a confining “rat-cage” life, trapping ourselves by doing all the things we tell ourselves we “HAVE TO DO”, and leaving to space for the things we'd LOVE TO DO. And it doesn’t take a psychologist to work out that we’re much happier and make much healthier choices for ourselves (which leads to greater success and further life enrichment) when we’re including fun, stimulation and freedom in our lives.

So here are a few questions, to coach yourself into rat-park heaven:
1. What did you love doing as a child? If you have trouble remembering, ask your parents and siblings, or unearth the old family albums.
2. What makes you smile spontaneously?
3. What are some of your favourite sounds to hear?
4. What textures do you just love to feel? For some inspiration, watch one of my favourite films, Amelie.
5. What sensations on your skin or in your body are absolutely gorgeous?
6. What are your most delicious flavours to taste?
7. What are the aromas you most like to smell?
8. What are some of your favourite scenarios, colours or textures to see?
9. When was the last time you laughed until your tummy ached? What triggered the hysteria?
10. When was the last time you laughed for no good reason? In a new international movement called Laughter Yoga, they're teaching people to laugh without having a joke trigger - just to activate the physical and health benefits of laughter.
11. How can you bring more of these “rat-park” elements into your life, to enrich your life now?

As Arnold Glasow says, “Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects.” Perhaps that’s where the rat-park rats were getting their fix!

Benjamin Zander in Cape Town!

2008-07-14T11:45:00.000-07:00

I definitely won't be missing the opportunity to experience one of Benjamin Zander's workshops in Cape Town next month. Zander is a world-famous musician, conductor and inspirational speaker on the topic of leadership. Zander and his wife, Rosamund Zander, have co-authored a book, The Art of Possibility, based on Zander's leadership philosophy.

Check out this video of his presentation on TEDtalks:

Zander will be running a Leadership Workshop at Artscape in Cape Town on 21 and 22 Aug 2008. Here's what you can expect:

"Benjamin Zander's presentation takes an audience on a journey that offers a startling new perspective on leadership. Through stories, music and concepts it causes a radical shift in perception. This is not a speech, it is an experience!"

When you book for this event, remember to say that you're a member of my network, and you'll get a 25% discount on the ticket price. See you there!

To be or not to be...

2008-07-10T05:42:00.000-07:00

There are 3 types of goals: “to have” goals, “to do” goals, and “to be” goals. Since you’re reading this blog, I know you’re the sort of person who’s not just interested in achieving goals that relate to having (money and all the stuff you can buy with it) and doing (skills, experiences and achievements), you’re interested in goals that are about being as well.

“To be” goals are about who you are, your character development, your attitudes, and becoming more of the person you want to be - regardless of your tangible material circumstances or your skills and achievements. Most of society uses indicators such as material wealth and achievements to judge how successful people are. Society says, “The more you have and do, the more successful you are.” If we accept this definition of success, there’s the likelihood that we’ll become greedy, busy and stressed out, always feeling that we never have enough or do enough.

In a previous blog I wrote about how people think they want things and experiences, but we don’t want things and experiences, we want the way that we think those things and experiences will make us feel. The only reason our “to have” and “to do” goals are important to us is because of how we think we’ll feel when we have them. But we don’t have to wait until we have them - we can feel how we want to feel right now. Your “to be” goals are about how you want to think and feel in your life. “To be” goals are the easiest goals to achieve, and the only goals that we can keep forever... and they’re what we ultimately want when we're going after the “to have” and “to do” goals anyway. So why not take the short cut to what you really want, and focus on your “to be” goals? Here’s how:

1. Make a list of qualities you’d ideally like to be able to describe yourself with.

2. Make it tangible. One of the main reasons people don't set "to be" goals is because they're so fuzzy and intangible. Ask yourself, “How will I know that I’m being (confident/ generous/ respectful/ peaceful, etc)?”

3. Watch and listen. Look for examples of other people who are “being” the way you want to be. Notice what’s different about them. What lets you know that they’re being confident/ generous/ respectful/ peaceful, etc?

4. Hang out with other people who are being the way you want to be. Thoughts and feelings are contagious, so choose whose thoughts and feelings you want to catch. Nurture those new qualities you’re developing by hanging out with people who also value those qualities. If you’re wanting to develop a more positive outlook on life, you’ll do that more easily if you hang out with people who have a positive outlook on life than if you continue spending all your time with people who are negative and complaining all the time.

5. Create a clear picture of yourself, being the way you want to be. Ask yourself, “Who would I be, with those qualities?” Notice what’s different about the way you’d talk, the way you’d hold your posture, the way you’d interact with other people, what you’d be saying to yourself in your head. Write all of this down. Be as specific and detailed as possible.

6. Create a “to be” vision board. Look for pictures that represent the way you want to be. Think of metaphors that describe the qualities you want to be more of. Perhaps pictures of mountains and large, sturdy old trees might represent self-assurance, steadfastness and faith for you. Or perhaps you want to represent the quality of openness with an open flower that’s willing to be vulnerable, and knows that opening up is the only way to let others appreciate it’s full beauty. Add poetry or quotes that represent the way you want to be. Add pictures of some of the people who you feel epitomise those qualities that you want to develop in yourself.

7. Spend 10mins each day, relaxing and focusing on visualising the “to be” qualities on your vision board, and feeling how it feels to be that way, and then go out and BE.

Since Martha Beck is one of my Sheros who epitomises some of the qualities that are on my “to be” list (GENEROSITY, FAITH), I made sure not to miss her visit to Joburg, South Africa this week, where I had the pleasure of meeting Martha in person.

Martha chatted about her latest book, Steering By Starlight, which was released in SA last month. As always, she shared with us ideas that were inspiring, solidly based in research, and converted into practical tools that we can use to live an authentic and rich life. Core to her message was her encouragement to us all to, “Have the courage to be open - you’ll never hurt as much by being open as you do by being closed.” It reminded me of a quote by Anais Nin: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” In Steering By Starlight, Martha shares a powerful set of ideas and user-friendly tools for getting clear on the vision of the person you want to BE, understanding how to manage your own fear and limiting thoughts and the “change-back attacks” from others, how to open the gateway to your unconscious wisdom through dream analysis, and how to leverage painful life experiences, to transform yourself into being more of the person you want to be. A highly recommended read to support your "to be" goals.

Why less is more...

2008-06-29T07:13:00.000-07:00

“If I didn’t care what people thought, I’d quit my job and open up a shoe shop” said Cindy, with a brief sparkle in her eyes that I hadn’t seen before. As an intelligent and hard-working young woman, Cindy swiftly made her way up the corporate ladder. She comes from a long line of successful and wealthy doctors, lawyers and businessmen, and her family are very proud of her recent promotion to join her company’s Board of Directors at the young age of 34. But she’s never been particularly passionate about her work, and since her recent promotion, she’s really struggling to motivate herself at work, suffering from daily migraines, and finding herself fantasizing about quitting, and starting her own business. “If I can just think of something more... you know, important, to do... then I think I’ll be able to go out on my own. I just think that owning a shoe shop would seem really superficial. And I really should be putting my engineering degree to use. I’m thinking of doing an MBA so I can learn about running a business, and hopefully by then I’ll have come up with a better business idea.”

And then there’s Sipho: “All this ‘change your beliefs and you’ll change your life’ stuff sounds great - if your biggest problem is that they’re trying to get the courage to leave their comfortable, lucrative corporate job and start their own business. But is it really relevant for real problems, like the problems we have in South Africa - unemployment, crime, poverty..?” Sipho was resistant, even angry, about my prosaic suggestions that just changing your thinking could change your life. And understandably so - Sipho grew up in Nyanga, brought up by his grandmother while his parents migrated to Joburg in search of work. In spite of the lack of parental support, lack of study facilities, and the burden of parenting his two younger siblings and caring for his gran, he pushed his way through an under-resourced school system, and managed to get a job as a tele-consultant in a large corporate, making him the highest paid earner in his family for 3 generations. At 23 years old, he aspires to becoming a successful businessman and leader, but he feels held back by his lack of tertiary education, the financial burden of supporting his extended family, and the belief that perhaps he’s reached the ceiling of what’s possible for someone coming from his background.

At first glance, Cindy and Sipho seem worlds apart. When you look at their life circumstances, they’re certainly being presented with very different challenges. but when you look a little closer, you’ll find that they’re both being held back by the very same thing - their thoughts. And they both think that gaining further knowledge is the only route to their dreams. What they don’t realise is that, while furthering their education might be one useful step towards making their dreams a reality, the most important step they’ll both need to take is to let go of what they “know” - their current beliefs about their own identity and what’s possible for themselves. Knowledge is gained when ideas are added. Enlightenment is gained when ideas are dissolved.

Angelina Nofolovhodwe is one such enlightened South African woman. At the age of 43, she was an uneducated and unemployed mother of 7 children, living in rural Limpopo. She was virtually destitute, recently separated from her husband, and relying on relatives to support her family. Since she had only attained a grade 6 education and been a housewife and mother her whole adult life, she had very few job prospects. To even the most optimistic observer, her external circumstances would have seemed pretty dire. If you had met Angelina at this time and you were asked to suggest a big, yet achievable goal for Angelina, what would you suggest? Most people tell me that, if Angelina could just believe in herself and have a big vision, she could hope to start an informal business - a spaza, a creche, a sewing or beading business, or a small catering business. Some people suggest she could even take night classes and further her education so she could hopefully get some form of semi-skilled employment that might enable her to earn up to R4 000 a month.

Well let me tell you where Angelina is today. The Independent (17 Feb 2007) wrote that Angelina is “well on her way to becoming South Africa’s first self-made woman mining magnate.” She has 13 prospecting licenses to her name, mining gold, manganese and coal. She has offices in Sandton and regularly travels the world to negotiate with investors. She made all of this a reality in only 7 years... and she did it without furthering her formal education.

Angelina didn’t change her life by gaining more knowledge, she changed her life by removing any thoughts that could have separated her from her destiny. There are a lot of very rational and believable thoughts that could have held Angelina back - I know nothing about mining, mining is for men, mothers shouldn’t work, you have to have a formal education to get into prospecting, educated people will think I’m crazy... and much, much more. And that’s what a lot of other people thought. Ross Rankopole, Deputy Director of Mining Licenses in Limpopo Province was quoted as saying, “I thought she was crazy. You must understand, we deal with geologists and engineers. Then suddenly, there comes a woman who can’t express herself properly, and tells us she’s going to own a mine because that’s what she’s been told in a dream.” If Angelina had been attached to these seemingly reasonable, rational thoughts objecting to her dream to mine gold, she’d still be destitute in rural Limpopo. In her latest book, Steering by Starlight, Martha Beck writes about the way we keep ourselves in “mental dungeons” by being attached to our thoughts and beliefs, and how this gets in the way of us living our true destiny. She says, “To say that you can “find” your destiny is misleading because it never goes anywhere... you don’t have to learn your destiny - you already know it; you just have to unlearn the thoughts that blind you from what you know.”

The fact that you’re reading this blog means you’re probably not sitting in a hut in rural Limpopo, with 7 hungry children to feed and no source of income. But if you’re feeling a bit stuck in your job or relationships, or just have a sense that you’re not living the life you want, you can be sure that you’ve got some limiting thoughts that need dissolving. So here’s an exercise to help you find and dissolve the thoughts that are blinding you from what you know:

1. Think of an area of your life where you feel stuck or unhappy.
2. Ask yourself, “Why am I in this job/ relationship/ home, etc. What will it get me? And what will that get me? And what will that get me?" (ask, “And what will that get me?” a few times until you feel you’re at the thing that’s most important to you. Hint: it’s always a feeling)
3. Ask yourself, “Why do I believe that the actions I’m taking are the best, or only, way to get what I want in life?” What do I think is blocking me from taking another route to getting what’s important to me?” For each thought that you write down, ask yourself, “Why?” four or five times, until you get to a core belief.

You should now have a list of thoughts or beliefs that are blinding you from knowing your destiny or preventing you from creating what you really want in your life. Read what you’ve written and choose one of the thoughts that you feel elicits a strong emotional reaction in you - one that really gets you in touch with fear, anxiety or pain. Now it’s time to do the dissolving. Byron Katie, Martha Beck and Jamie Smart offer some powerful questions for dissolving your mental dungeons:

1. Ask yourself, “Is this thought true? Are there any circumstances where this thought would be untrue? How would you know if it wasn’t true?”
2. Ask yourself, “How do I react when I think this thought? How do I think, feel and behave when I think this thought? How does that impact on my relationships and my results?”
3. Ask yourself, “Do I know anyone else who seems to tell themselves a different story and yet gets the results I’d love to get? Is there anyone I know who provides an example or evidence that’s contrary to my current thoughts?”
4. Ask yourself, “Who would I be without this thought? How would I think, feel and behave without this thought? How would that impact on my relationships and my results?”
5. Turn the thought around. The thought you’ve been having is just a story you’ve been telling yourself. What story would be more useful? Ask yourself, “What story, or set of thoughts, would support me in creating the reality I want?”

I’ve often been asked by friends and family, who know me well (and see me fumbling with my own life!) how I know what to advise my clients about their lives. Well they’re right to be anxious about me giving advice to my clients. Having never experienced what most of my clients have been through, I usually have no idea what to advise them - which is why I rarely give advice. The coaching I do is less about giving people answers and adding to their knowledge and more about helping them become enlightened by identifying and dissolving the thoughts that are blinding them from the answers that have always been in front of them.

I'll be happy when...

2008-06-01T23:45:00.000-07:00

Michael is young, intelligent, attractive, and highly successful in his work as a financial advisor. He has the ever-expanding property portfolio, the beautiful home on a golf estate, the expensive German car, the yacht, and the gorgeous wife and 2.5 perfect little kids. Sounds fantastic, doesn’t it? “So what do you want to use coaching for?” I asked. Michael explained that what he’d really like to focus on was the creation of a 5yr financial plan that would enable him to be financially secure enough to quit his stressful job, start spending more time with his wife and kids, improve his golf, maybe even write a book.” “And what will that do for you?” I asked. “I won’t be stressed out anymore. I’ll be content. I’ll be happy when I’m financially secure enough to be able to start doing those things I’d love to do.”

As a life coach, I often hear the words, “I’ll be happy when...” This is usually followed by a list of material things that must be obtained, changes that have to be made to job tasks, responsibility or status, weight that must be lost, relationships that must be resolved, other people who must change and behave better, and of course money that must be made. We’ve been conditioned into deferring our happiness, by telling ourselves the story that things make us happy. This is supported by mass media, which is obviously keen to ensure that you keep spending your hard-earned money on the lipsticks, shoes, homeware, mobile phones, grand cars and even grander homes on offer. But the truth is that, just like Michael realised when I probed, people don’t want things - we want feelings. We want the feelings that we think those things will make us feel.

So I told Michael a story I’d heard some time ago, about a businessman who came across a fisherman, who was basking in the sun, on a beautiful beach, with his fishing rod propped up in the sand. The businessman noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and wondered why he was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family. “You aren't going to catch many fish that way,” said the businessman to the fisherman. “You should be working rather than lying on the beach!” The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, “And what will that get me?” “Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!” was the businessman's answer. “And then what will that get me?” asked the fisherman. The businessman replied, “You’ll make money and you'll be able to buy a boat, so you can catch more fish.” “And then what will that get me?” asked the fisherman again. The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's questions. “Don't you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let your employees catch fish for you!” Once again the fisherman asked, “And then what will that get me?” The businessman was angry at the fisherman’s ignorance, and shouted at the fisherman, “Don't you understand that you can become so rich that you’ll never have to work for a living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won't have a care in the world!” The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, “And what do you think I'm doing right now?”

Alot of people think that happiness is all about changing your external reality and getting your life to a place where you can have whatever you want. But what we really want are feelings - and we already have feelings, and the capacity to create all the feelings we want to feel. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that you should quit your job and start painting or surfing or reading cheap romance novels (or whatever makes you feel relaxed and happy) all day everyday instead. What I’m suggesting is that you can have happiness now already - while you continue to work towards changing your external reality. What I’m suggesting is that, contrary to popular opinion, our external reality doesn’t create out internal reality. If there’s any connection, it’s the other way around - our internal reality creates our external reality.

A key principle behind this “Law of Attraction” that everyone’s talking about is the idea that “thoughts become things,” and that, whatever we’re focusing on, we’re attracting into our lives. Emotions are the super-charger, so the more intense our emotions, the more powerfully the things we’re focusing on are drawn into our lives. Now, to be honest, I think the Law of Attraction is a load of hog-wash, wrapped in celebrity kitsch and mass media hype. But the problem I have is that it seems to work. Our internal reality really does seem to create our external reality. And, as a highly practical person, it goes against my grain to ignore something that works.

Now I’m no scientist, so I have no idea whether the “scientific” explanation that “like particles attract like particles” has any scientific basis. As far as I’m concerned, all the explanations of the Law of Attraction are just stories that may or may not be true. So here’s my story: We like what’s familiar. In fact, we like it so much that we do our best to repeat what’s familiar. So if you’re familiar with feeling financially insecure and thinking, “I don’t have enough,” you’re going to create more financial insecurity in your internal and external reality - just because we like what’s familiar. In fact, we like what’s familiar so much that, even when our external reality changes for the better, if we don’t change our thinking to align ourselves with our new external reality, we’ll end up changing our external reality back to the way it was before. In the USA, they found that most lottery winners were bankrupt within 5 years of winning the lottery. As a result, they now provide all lottery winners with a counseling program, to help them transform their thinking.

So how can you change your internal and external reality, and create more happiness and other great feelings in your life?

1. Start with feeling the way you want to feel. Feelings are what we want, so shortcut your external reality and go straight to the feelings. If you’re unsure how you want to feel, then think of the things you want, and ask yourself, “And what will that get me?” repeatedly, until you get to the feelings you want. Get familiar with the way you want to feel. Practice generating the feelings you want, rather than telling yourself that you can only feel the way you want to feel when something changes in your external reality. There are many ways you can generate feelings. Here are a few to start with:

Remember a time when you felt the way you want to feel now. Choose a specific moment, a specific context or specific interaction with someone. Go there mentally now, and re-experience the event as though it’s happening right now. Ask yourself, “What am I seeing, hearing, smelling, touching, tasting... and what am I feeling? You’ll notice that you can generate those feelings now just be remembering and re-experiencing the event.

Imagine some of your specific goal/s having been achieved. Create a clear visualisation of the outcome, including as much detail as possible. Go there mentally now, and experience the event as though it’s happening right now. Remember to include all the sensory-specific detail. Notice how you can feel now the way you’ll feel when you’ve achieved those goals.

2. Once you’re feeling the way you want to feel, continue working on changing your reality to bring it in line with the things you want to manifest in your life. Create a really clear, specific and compelling visualisation of the way your life will be, when you’ve changed your external reality. Repeat this visualisation in your mind on a regular basis, in order to get familiar with your new life as it will be. Get so familiar with your new life, that it becomes more familiar than your current reality, and you’ll find that you can’t stop yourself from “repeating” in your external reality what you’ve been visualising in your internal reality.

3. Keep a gratitude journal. Gratitude journals are a great way to remind yourself to focus on feelings instead of things, and gratitude is just a fantastic feeling to feel. Let your gratitude journal remind you that “Happiness isn’t having what you want, but wanting what you have.”

Michael seemed to have it all. But he could have so much more if he realises that he doesn’t have to defer his happiness while he works on changing his reality - he can create all of the feelings he wants, now.

What experience have you had with changing your internal reality? And how did it turn out for you?

Thank goodness, it's another obstacle!

2008-04-29T12:54:00.000-07:00

You know, some days I just really feel like giving up. In fact (just between you and me), most days I feel like that, sometimes for just a moment, sometimes for much of the day. You know those times when the obstacles just seem so big and complex, and impossible to overcome. And you start to wonder why you chose to do something so difficult anyway. And it’s warm, safe and simple under your duvet and cold, unpredictable and nasty outside...

Yes, I know I’m not supposed to say that. Life coaches are supposed to have endless energy, enthusiasm, and optimism, and have permanently purged their vocabulary of words like, “can’t” and “quit.” Yeah right. That would be easy, if it weren’t for my curiosity about the things in life that are below the surface and often difficult to understand, or my appetite for big goals and pushing my own boundaries, or that compelling feeling of exhiliration that comes from finding out that you can do something you previously thought you could never do.

You see, just like with your work and personal goals, my goals would be really easy to achieve... if it weren’t for all the unpredictable obstacles that, frustratingly, keep cropping up. Wouldn’t it be nice if, for once, we could just go about creating what we want in our lives, without any interference or resistance - if all the difficult parts could be removed. I mean, imagine if it could be easy to run a marathon - no muscle cramping, no knee injuries, no blisters, no hills. Or if it could be really easy to get washboard abs without a tough exercise regime or a careful diet. Or if we could make our jobs easy by getting rid of all of the difficult and unpredictable things (like the prospects, the customers, our managers, our colleagues, our systems, our economy...) Wouldn’t your life be amazing then?

No, it wouldn’t be amazing at all. It would be just average. Because, if it was easy to run a marathon, everybody would. And if it could be easy to have washboard abs, then everybody would have washboard abs. And if there was a job that had no problems to solve, then anybody could do it. And if anybody could do it, then you’d be easily replaceable, and your skills, talents and abilities wouldn’t be recognised or valued highly. And that means that people won’t pay much for what you’re offering. The fact that your job or your personal goals are difficult and unpredictable works to your advantage. The greater the obstacles between you and the goals you’re going after, the more likely that other people pursuing those same goals will drop out, and the fewer competitors you’ll have. This gives you a greater chance of being the best at what you do. And those that are the best tend to enjoy significantly greater rewards for being at the top. As international marketing guru, Seth Godin says (in his book, “The Dip”), “Obstacles create scarcity and scarcity creates value.”

Ruben Gonzalez is a man who fully understood this principle. He’d always wanted to be an Olympic athlete. But he had a few significant obstacles in the way of his dream. For starters, he wasn’t a great athlete, and, at 21 years old, he hadn’t even chosen his sport yet. Not to be deterred, Gonzalez realised that, the tougher the sport, the fewer competitors he’d have, and the greater his chances of realising his Olympic dream. So Gonzalez researched the Olympic sports and chose the most grueling sport he could find, the sport with the greatest number of broken bones and the highest number of quitters. He settled on the luge - a winter sport that involves hurtling down an ice track on a sled, at 140km per hour. Just four years later, Gonzalez made it to the 1988 Calgary Winter Olympics, and went on to become a “three-time Olympian”, competing in Albertville in 1992 and Salt Lake City in 2000.

So here’s some of the ideas I’ll be using to pull myself out from under the duvet and motivate myself to keep cracking on:

1. Ask yourself, “If this was easy, would I want it this much?” Part of the thrill of achieving big goals is in knowing that you faced and overcame hardships that most other people shy away from. The level of difficulty increases the level of fulfillment in achieving your goals. If you’re not that excited about your life and the things you’re investing time and energy in, perhaps it’s too easy. Set more challenging goals.

2. Increase your perceived value to others by setting stretch goals. If you’re doing what everyone else is doing, the way everyone else is doing it, then anybody can do it instead of you. Your manager, your customers, your friends, your lover will all value you more (and invest more time/ energy/ money to keep you around), if you’re offering something more remarkable than anybody else can offer them.

3. Hope for more and bigger obstacles. The next time you’re not sure how much longer you can go on, and you’re facing up to a seemingly insurmountable obstacle, remind yourself that your competitors are probably facing the same obstacles. The greater the obstacle, the more excited you should be. Because then the chances are greater that your competitors are dropping like flies... opening the way for you to get to the top, where the rewards are abundant.

What's your perspective on obstacles? What else do you do to sustain your energy, and to overcome obstacles?

How to learn anything, easily

2008-04-29T12:45:00.000-07:00

If you’re anything like me, you’re probably very familiar with what I call “goal-setter’s remorse.” Just like with buyer’s remorse after a big purchase, doubt often sets in after the initial excitement when you set a big goal. Sure, you’ve thought it through rationally, you know it’s going to be a challenge but you’re setting out with positive expectancy and enthusiasm. I mean, “how hard can it really be?”

So you buy the shiny motorbike, sign up for riding lessons, and splurge on a sassy bike jacket. You arrive for your bike lessons, looking like a seasoned biker, and you can even talk some of the lingo. You’re thinking, “I’m a natural - this is going to be a breeze.” And then you get on a bike... It’s a lot heavier than expected and it won’t move when you try to push it. Maybe they have a smaller one. You look around. Nope, yours is the smallest. You wonder if maybe the brakes are on. So where are the brakes, then? Two levers up front at the handle bars, two at the foot pegs... maybe this thing has a hand-brake? You breathe a sigh of relief when the instructor comes around to explain the different levers - this should clear it up. As he explains the procedure for starting the bike and moving off, he’s pointing to all the different levers and all you’re hearing is “blah, blah, blah, blah.” He patiently explains it again and asks you to give it a go for yourself. You turn the bike on, and randomly pull at the different levers. You’re aware of the instructor shouting, but all you hear is “blah, blah, blah”, so you try tugging again and then remember to push down with your left foot. The bike shudders and jerks forward. You get a fright, scream and jump off, dropping the bike to the ground. That’s when “goal-setters remorse” starts to set in. “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea...”

The remorse grows as you learn the basics of your new venture, and it slowly dawns on you that this is much more complicated than you expected - there’s a lot to learn. Now that you think about it, it’s almost overwhelming how much you’ll have to learn.

Five weeks down and you’re still clumsily fumbling through each of the basic skills. Surely you should have mastered them by now? You have to practice over and over again. You bounce between boredom and frustration. This is not the fun, freedom and exhilaration you had in mind when you decided to become a biker chick.

Sound familiar? It might be a new hobby, or it might be new responsibilities at work. It doesn’t matter what the new skills are that you’ve set out to learn, “goal-setters remorse” is a universal experience - especially when you set yourself challenging goals.

Educational psychologists have studied the way we learn and found that there are 4 stages of learning that we all go through when learning a new skill. When you understand what to expect at each learning stage, you’ll find that you feel more confident, enjoy the learning process, accelerate your learning, and get to your goal more quickly.

Stage 1: Ignorance is bliss. When you first sign up for bike lessons, decide to start your own online business, accept your new job, or set out to travel across the Atlantic in a hot air balloon, you don’t know what you don’t know. This is probably a good thing, because you might never have set that goal if you actually knew how much you’d have to learn! Even though ignorance is the basis for the feeling of elation and invincibility in this stage, it’s great to feel that way, and it gets us fired up to challenge ourselves and learn new things.

Stage 2: The truth hurts. All of the theoretical preparation and analysis in the world is often still not enough to prepare you for the actual experience of going after your goal. It’s often only once you start taking action that you’re able to get accurate feedback... and the gaping holes inyour business plan or hot air balloon start becoming obvious. Stage two starts the moment you start realising how much you don’t know. This can be a gut-wrenching and painful experience that feels particularly bad after the emotional high of stage 1. It takes courage to do an honest self-evaluation and to face up to less than complimentary feedback. But, as bad as it might feel, stage two is a crucial step forward that allows you to get clear on what you need to work on, to master your goal.

Stage 3: Practice makes perfect. These days it’s easy to find information and tips about learning just about any new skill. We move into stage 3 when we know what we need to do and we start taking action to master those specific new skills. Stage 3 is when you’ve found out how to create and manage that spreadsheet that tracks your team’s productivity against their targets and, if you think it through carefully, you can do it. It’s hard work and slow-going, and you might have to break the skill down into smaller mini-skills and steps, but you’re getting there. There’s no short cut or “quick fix” to get to your goal of doing the skill easily and effortlessly. This is where most people drop out, because they lack patience and determination. Which means that it’s easy for you to get ahead, if you just stick at it.

Stage 4: Easy does it. With repetition and practice, practice, practice, those new skills eventually become easy, natural and even automatic. Stage 4 is what we had in mind when we set our goal and imagined getting it. We feel competent and confident and all that hard work not only seems worthwhile, but it has the effect of inflating our sense of accomplishment. We sigh in relief and consider getting out our super-hero suits again.
The fact that you can read this means that you already know how to progress through the stages of learning. You’ve used this model to learn ever since you were born. You learned how to walk, talk, eat and many other much more sophisticated skills - all without even attending any conferences or training programs!

And the best part about the stages of learning is that you can use the model itself to get better at using the model. Everytime you learn something new, you get better at learning, and you’ll find that you get more and more comfortable with stages 2 and 3, until you find every stage enjoyable in itself.

When you love learning, you can probably learn anything. And then your potential is limitless. Eartha Kitt said, “I am learning all the time. The tombstone will be my diploma.”

Basic Instinct? (written Mar 2008)

2008-04-29T12:17:00.000-07:00

Do you remember that time when, as a young child, you came across an abandoned baby animal, and brought it home, asking your parents, “Can I keep it?” It might have been a little baby mouse or a tiny stray kitten, or maybe it was a baby bird with a slightly broken wing. Whatever the little creature was, it was small and vulnerable and you decided immediately that you’d rescue it and devote yourself to feeding and nurturing it to full strength and maturity.

Mine was a little baby bird that was teetering around in our back garden one afternoon. We looked everywhere for the mother bird, or at least a nest, but we found no sign of it’s maternal protector. In spite of advice from the adults that the bird had a better chance of survival if we left him in the garden, we became absorbed with the little bird’s needs, from food to shelter, warmth and comfort. We brought him inside and made a little bed out of tissues and fed him pronutro cereal. It turns out that our parenting skills left a lot to be desired and I was devastated when we found the little guy on his back with his feet in the air a few days later.

The adults were right - we should have left him where we found him. What we didn’t understand at the time was that, unlike humans, many animals are born with something called instinct. Instinct is pre-programmed knowledge of essential things like what to eat and what not to eat, and how to find food, get warm, hide from predators, and run from smoke or fire. So there probably was a better chance our little bird would have survived if we’d left him out in the garden, because of instinct.

Humans aren’t born with this sort of instinct. We’re born totally dependent on the adults of our species for survival. We need the adults to tell us what we can and can’t put in our mouths and what is and isn’t safe to do. We need them to teach us not to touch hot things or stick our fingers in dangerous places or pull the grumpy cat’s fur. Think about it - for the first few years of our lives, our survival depends on the care and guidance of the adults of our species. We basically just observe intensely and soak up everything we see, hear and experience. We don’t really have the cognitive capacity, skills, experience or knowledge to challenge the ideas that are being modeled to us. Psychologists believe that it’s only around the age of 6 or 7 years that a child‘s ability to differentiate between fantasy and reality is fully developed. So, in our early years, we tend to take everything adults say literally, and often don’t realise that the well-meaning adults might be using metaphors or giving us a context-specific rule.We don’t realise that the adults themselves might sometimes be speaking from a place of ignorance, fear, anger or misperception, so we accept everything they say.

As a result, we often form limiting beliefs that endure as we mature into adulthood, and act as a lid on our potential. Because these beliefs were formed whilst we were still too young to know any better, and before we had developed all the knowledge and skills that we have now, they’re often based on faulty, inaccurate information or generalisations, yet they continue to have enormous power over the way we feel and behave. Think about the “catch phrases” you grew up on. You may have heard some of these, and more:

“Money doesn’t grow on trees”
“You’re the older brother, so you should know better and be more responsible”
“You can’t have everything you want”
“Don’t be selfish”
“After play-play comes cry-cry”
“You have to work hard for the good things in life”
“Big boys don’t cry...”

What impact have these sorts of phrases had on your current outlook on life, and what you believe is possible for yourself? If you want to clean out your limiting beliefs and lift the lid on your potential, here are a few steps to follow:

1. Start a dream list: Start keeping a list of things you’d love to be, have and do in your lifetime, if you had all the necessary money, time, skills and support.
2. Identify your limiting beliefs: As you write your dream list, become aware of your self-talk. If you notice anything along the lines of, “Yeah right, you’ll never be able to do that...” then write this down on another piece of paper titled “limiting beliefs.” Read through the list and just smile and say, “Isn’t that interesting?
3. Decide what you want to believe: Read through your dream list again and ask yourself, “What would I believe if all of these things became a reality?” Write down these beliefs.
4. Start thinking like you’ll think when you’ve achieved your goals: Your current thinking is what’s creating your current results. If you want to change your results, you’re going to have to change your thinking - especially your limiting beliefs. Your old, limiting beliefs were formed through repeated exposure to limiting ideas. If you want to add new beliefs, use the same method. Read your list of new beliefs everyday, until they become as natural and automatic as your old beliefs were.

As humans, we might not be born with the same type of survival instinct as animals are, but this doesn’t mean our minds are inferior. Animals’ minds are like calculators - they arrive in the world with a pre-programmed set of functions or thinking patterns, and they leave with the same. Our minds are like computers - we can upgrade the “software” and continuously improve our thinking and the results we create. When last did you upgrade your software?

Who's the King of the Jungle? (Written Feb 2008)

2008-04-29T12:10:00.000-07:00

I remember one of my favourite holidays with my family as a child. We drove up to to the Etosha National Park in Namibia for a week or so of game viewing. Now safaris aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but as an 11 year old, I’d only ever seen wild animals in cages at the zoo, so the challenge of spotting animals in the bushes and identifying them in our field book was very appealing.

I’ll never forget the first animal we saw - we went crazy with excitement. As we drove into the park gates, there, just on the side of the road was a Springbok, standing gracefully and staring at us. We all jumped up, pointing, yelling, fighting for the window seats, and taking loads of photos. Us kids were proud because we all knew it was a Springbok. And I thought, “this is the best holiday ever!”

After a little while, we drove on and just a few kilometres down the road we came across some more Springboks - this time a whole group of them. We slowed down and watched them for a few minutes. And then we drove on a bit further and what do you think we saw? More Springboks! This time we didn’t stop.

Within about an hour, we went from being absolutely manic with excitement about the Springboks to driving straight past them, barely noticing them. They were everywhere. They weren’t exciting anymore. They were boring. We no longer looked for Springboks. In fact, we often didn’t even notice them. Springboks became invisible. What we really wanted to see was the BIG 5. They’re much less common than Springboks and zebras and giraffe. They’re special because they’re rare and remarkable.

We all want what’s rare and remarkable. And we’re all willing to pay more for anything that’s rare and remarkable. This is why, in whatever industry you’re in, if you want to be successful and you want to increase your company profits and personal income, you need to be rare and remarkable like the Big 5.

The BPO/ contact centre industry is one of the fastest growing industries in South Africa. In 2007, Calling the Cape reported that there were over 200 contact centres in the Cape, with over 22 000 people working in the contact centre industry. The outsourcing industry worldwide has also grown rapidly. Indian contact centres employ over 120 000 people. In the USA, there are currently over 50 000 contact centres, employing over 2.8 million people. In Canada, over 200 000 people work in the contact centre industry. Australia has over 3900 contact centres employing over 225 000 people. In the UK, the contact centre industry employes over 1 million people. In such a crowded market, what makes your company rare and remarkable like the Big 5? And what makes you the lion amongst other employees?

If you’re someone who wants to ensure that you never have to worry about having a job, or if you’re the sort of person who wants to make sure that you get every promotional and growth opportunity that you ever want, and if you want to increase your income and create the freedom to live the lifestyle you want, then here are some tips to ensure that you’re the king of the jungle:

Think like an entrepreneur. One of the biggest misnomers these days is the term “permanent employee”. With the high rate of change in our world today, no job ever has the guarantee that it’ll be permanent. If you’re an employee, realise that someone else is paying you to work for yourself. And we’ll all willingly pay more for something that is rare and remarkable. So make sure you stand out from the rest and you’ll never have a problem getting that salary increase or promotion you’re asking for.

Identify your strengths. Know what your unique selling point is... and then focus on that. It might seem counter-intuitive, but accelerated success comes from focusing more on your strengths than your weaknesses. Whatever you do well, whatever gets you the results - focus on doing more of that.

Commit to lifelong learning. Set goals and create a plan for continuously improving your skills, knowledge and attitudes on a daily basis. What do you read? What courses are you putting yourself through? What new skill or hobby are you learning? When your competitors find out what you’re doing that pleases your employer and your customers so much, they’ll start doing it too. And then you’re not rare and remarkable anymore... unless you’re committed to lifelong learning and improvement, and you can continuously reinvent yourself. Be the leader and stay ahead of your followers by being committed to continuous improvement.

Always do and be more than is expected of you. Whatever goals your manager sets for you, set your own goals, and set them higher. Find ways to add value in everything you do.

And finally, remember that,
“The leader is the leader because they did something remarkable.” So go and be remarkable.

Re-view 2007, Pre-view 2008 (Written Jan 2008)

2008-04-29T11:58:00.000-07:00

Well, 1 January 2008 is only several days history and many people have already broken, discarded or forgotten their new year’s resolutions by now.

One of the main reasons why new years resolutions have notoriously poor results is that most people decide on new years wishes, rather than goals, and they leave out some of the most important steps in the goal setting process.

Wishes or “dream lists” are an important part of getting in touch with your imagination and generating exciting ideas for goals, but they lack the strong foundations of an honest review of your current situation, and the clear blue prints for action that are created when you follow the goal setting process. As a result, new years wishes fall away as soon as the smallest obstacle challenges your motivation.

Goal setting is all about getting from where you are to where you want to be. In order to create the plan to get from where you are to where you want to be, you need to start with evaluating where you are in each area of your life right now.

An accurate evaluation of your reality is the foundation for a realistic and achievable goal plan. Unfortunately, because of habitual thinking patterns that act as filters, our perception often differs from our reality. Sometimes the information we delete when we evaluate ourselves is the positive information about the awesome things we’ve accomplished, the great ideas we’ve had, the positive feedback we’ve received, and the difficulties we’ve survived. Filtering out positive feedback results in a lack of confidence, smaller goals, and feeling more fearful.

The other type of information that is often deleted is the negative feedback we’re getting, signs that what we’re doing is not working, or that an obstacle or threat exists. It’s said that humans have two main fears, from which all other fears are derived - fear of rejection and fear of failure. We’re programmed to avoid the pain of rejection or failure, and one way of avoiding that pain (at least temporarily) is by filtering our perception of reality and seeing only what we want to see. It’s the good old “ostrich-with-his-head-in-the-sand” syndrome, where he tells himself, “If I can’t see it, it’s not there.” As the picture above illustrates, this can be a very dangerous strategy!

It’s only when we have the courage to evaluate ourselves and our results accurately, including both the positive and negative feedback, that we give ourselves the opportunity to learn, to adapt and to improve, and to approach the existing challenges, obstacles and threats with confidence and resourcefulness.

John Maxwell, in his book, “Failing Forward”, says that the main difference between average people and highly successful people is their perception of and response to failure. Most people fear failure and respond by blaming others, repeating the same mistakes, being limited by past mistakes, saying to themselves, “I am a failure”, quitting and then either expecting to always fail or holding onto the delusion that they’ll never fail again.

People who are successful view failure as crucial feedback in their progress towards their goal. As a result, they watch and listen well, they actively seek feedback, and they get more accurate information about what’s working and what’s not working. Using all this feedback, they learn and improve with every mistake, they’re able to maintain a positive attitude when something hasn’t worked out as well as they’d hoped, they continue to have the courage to take new risks and to persevere, and they accept that failure is a normal part of any progress and don’t let setbacks shake their self-worth or their belief in their vision. Successful people believe that there’s no such thing as failure - there’s only feedback. Leverage the feedback and you’ll increase your success.

So this year, skip the new years resolutions and choose to set goals instead. Start with reviewing 2007, and then have the audacity to pre-view 2008’s forthcoming attractions as follows:

1. Brainstorm what went well for you in 2007. What worked well? What positive results did you create? What are you especially proud of? What did you learn or master in 2007? What are you feeling really grateful for?
2. Brainstorm what didn’t work so well in 2007. What negative feedback or results did you notice? What are you not feeling good about? What are you worried about? What do you want to leave behind in 2008?
3. Brainstorm your dreams and desires for each area of your life. What would you like to change? What do you want to have, do or be in 2008? What ideas get you really excited?
4. Create a list of goals for 2008. Drawing on list 3, decide which are your most important changes to make and what you think you can realistically tackle this year. Then write specific goals with deadlines, create a clear plan to achieve each of those goals, and start taking action. Happy 2008!

Spring into action! (written Oct 2007)

2008-04-29T11:46:00.000-07:00

It’s October already, the weather is warming up and Spring is well under way.

When I think of Spring, it conjures up images of cool sunshine, bright yellow daffodils, tiny pink newborn babies, soft white bunnies, skipping lambs, fresh blue skies, birds chirping happily, new growth sprouting through the warm, moist soil, spring cleaning and freshening up my home, and generally warming up, opening up, unfurling and creating new beginnings. And although it’s October already, you’ve got just enough time before the Christmas decorations need to be unpacked, to leave behind the old and what’s no longer useful in your life & create the new beginnings you desire.

A few weeks ago, I watched a fascinating TV show called “Make My Family Over”. A family who were into rock bands and goth culture were living in a cramped house that was untidy, cluttered and in disrepair. They’d become so swept up in life’s daily demands that the parents had never gotten around to having the wedding they’d always wanted, one of the teenage children was still sleeping on the lounge couch, and they lived in total chaos. Their goth band practice took place in the kitchen, the living area was “decorated” with skeletons and a coffin, and the two family vehicles were broken down and rusted. The parents had worn their long hair dyed black for as long as they could remember and all of their friends agreed that it was time for a new look.

The family were given the opportunity to start over completely. Their home was renovated and decorated throughout, including the addition of a fully equipped sound recording studio and a swimming pool. Both family cars were pimped inside and out, and each of the family members were given a complete personal makeover. It all culminated in a dream wedding and party for family and friends, and of course everyone was thrilled and crying with joy.

There are lots of these sorts of extreme makeover shows, and we love watching them. We all want new beginnings and opportunities to start over and leave the burdens, clutter and overwhelm behind. We won’t all get the opportunity to go on an extreme makeover show, but we can all have fresh starts in life. But fresh starts don't happen automatically. You have to create fresh starts. And if you want to be focused on your fresh start goals, you need to remove distractions by completing unfinished business, cleaning out the unnecessary garbage and leaving behind the disappointments of the past.

The Zagarnic Effect is a theory that explains that, when we have unfinished business, it continues to hold some of our attention, and this may prevent us from giving our full attention to what we really want in life. The Zagarnic Effect was demonstrated in a study in which two groups were given puzzles to solve. The first group was given an easy puzzle that they were all able to solve. The second group were given a more difficult puzzle that couldn’t be solved within the time limit. Both groups were contacted some years later and asked about the puzzle. The people who had been in the group that didn’t solve their puzzle still remembered what the problem was about, but the people in the group that solved their puzzle had forgotten what their puzzle was about. Whilst an issue remains unsolved, our unconscious mind remains committed to remembering it and attempting to resolve it. It’s only when we complete or resolve the issue that our full attention is available to be focused on our goals for the future.

Neither failure nor success is ever final. Failure can always be left behind and success needs to be renewed everyday. If there's anything new you want in your life, you've got to make room for it – both physically and emotionally. If you want to improve your look, start with clearing out your cupboards and giving away clothes you haven't worn in a long time. If you want to embark on a new focus at work, clear your workspace and complete the old tasks you've been procrastinating. If you want new relationships in your life, start by cleaning up your relationship messes and letting go of the old disappointments and pain.

Make a list of “unfinished business” that may be siphoning energy away from what you want to be focusing on. Then take Jack Canfield’s advice (“25 Principles of Success”) and make the decision to either “do it”, “delegate it” or “dump it” to make space for the new experiences, opportunities, perspectives and relationships you want instead.